Thursday, April 20, 2006

Lesson to be learnt...

Borrowed this from nicoleMART.

Oil Change Instructions for Women:

1) Wait until 3,000 miles have elapsed since last oil change then pull into Jiffy Lube.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) Wait 15 minutes then write a check to cover service charge.
4) Drive away in a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change: $27.00
Coffee: $2.50
Total: $29.50


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait till Saturday to purchase case of oil, oil filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a pine-scented car tree - total: $50.00.
2) Stop by 7-11 to buy a $20 case of beer; return home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) Rapidly guzzle another beer in frustration.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16" box wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; splash yourself with hot oil in process; curse.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms; throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Drink another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter; twist off.
16) Allow drippy oil filter to splash everywhere; cleverly hide old filter in trash can to avoid environmental penalties; drink last beer.
17) Postpone remainder of oil change so you can check out neighbor's new garage door opener.


18) Sunday: miss church to finish oil change; drag drain pan from under car and cleverly dispose of old oil in a hole in back yard.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Realize, only now, that beer is gone.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy more beer.
22) Install new filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Realize that drain plug has been missing since step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink more beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug; re-shovel oily dirt into hole and cover with sand stolen from kid's sandbox; wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on floor; cover with litter.
30) Drink another beer.
31) Crawl under car and get kitty litter into eyes; wipe eyes with rag used to clean drain plug; bang knuckles on frame while tightening drain plug with stupid crescent wrench.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Stop blood flow.
34) Launch into swearing tantrum.
35) Hurl stupid crescent wrench.
36) Swear for an additional 10 minutes because crescent wrench hit bowling trophy.
37) Guzzle beer.
38) Guzzle beer.
39) Guzzle beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Guzzle beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Relocate car & apply litter to oil spilled during steps 23 through 43.
45) Guzzle beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over and arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife to post bail.
50) Retrieve car from impound lot in 12 hours.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00
Beer: $40.00
Impound Fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
DUI Citation: $2500.00
Total: $4,165.00

//m.u.s.i.c V.I.D.E.O

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